It’s a problem that has plagued this country for so long: due to negligence, corruption and government incompetence, Zimbabwe’s electricity power demand far outweighs our demand especially during peak hours. Over the years the government has come up with all manner of possible solutions:
- Solar power plants- this is the best solution in my book considering all those droughts we have been having. That means plenty of sunshine and it’s like turning lemons into lemonade. In 2013 we were promised lots of solar power plants by the government but millions of dollars later we have nothing to show for it. Again corruption is to blame here.
- Batoka-it’s one of those projects the government wheels out. Last time we heard General Electric was said to be interested. The project was part of the failed ZIMASSET jingles. Expect it to be completed sometime in 2130 long after we are dead.
- Gairezi-again lots of talk and no real moola to see this through. So long as we have the same ZESA we have right now don’t bother waiting up for this.
- Importing electricity- this would only be a sustainable solution if our neighbours didn’t have their own power deficits to consider. In any case, we do not have the forex to make the payments and there were constant threats by our suppliers as we regularly defaulted.
The government faced with these problems however has come up with a brilliant plan. Ban electrical gadgets. It’s a smart plan if you think about it: you see if we are not using the electricity it means there would be no shortage. Nobody can argue with such sound logic and the guys at the Zimbabwe Energy Regulatory Authority agree with me too.
According to Engineer Samuel Zaranyika of ZERA:
If we make a saving of 200MW, through the use of energy-efficient appliances, it’s actually cheaper than putting up a 200MW power station.
This guy gets to use the title Eng. instead of Mr./Ms. like us mere mortals so you know it’s a brilliant, beautiful plan. That’s how you know it’s a smart plan.
The hit list
The eventual plan is to make sure that people will not be using any electrical gadgets by 2035 when we become a middle-income economy and surpass China to become the world’s second-largest economy. That will mean we will have loads of surplus energy since no one will be using the power that ZESA would be generating. We are gonna be really rich from all the forex we will get exporting electricity.
As you know every journey begins somewhere so ZERA will start with a ban on the following energy inefficient appliances first:
- Air conditioners-we don’t really need these as we can always fan ourselves using hand-held fans.
- audio and video equipment-our ancestors had Jenaguru plays during moonlit nights so we can always get back to these instead of Netflix and DSTV
- dishwashers-hire a maid; duh.
- electric ovens-use charcoal.
- refrigerators and freezers- use smoking, drying and salting to preserve meat
- tumble dryers-ever heard of clotheslines and plastic pegs? Go to Mbare and buy those
- washer-dryer combinations-see 6 above
- washing machines-seriously hire a maid
- induction cook stoves-huni/inkuni to the rescue
I mean this is brilliant you guys, you have to agree. This is pure genius at work. The best part of it all is that the government can rest on its laurels after this. No need to invest in power generation projects at all.
NB This is satire but there is substance to this. ZERA really wants to ban electrical gadgets and the plan is brilliant.
4 comments
Hahahaha! I have to disagree with this plan. My only question is: how come ALL the village idiots in Zimbabwe seem to wind up at the top levels of these organizations, why why why? There is clearly some sort of collaboration (maybe like a village-idiot 6th sense) between all these village idiots that ultimately puts them in charge of these institutions !!!
i like the satire, it’s strange logic at ZESA/ZERA. i have been trying for months to get hold of a smart meter that allows my solar panels to feed into grid when my batteries are full. I don’t want any payment for the KWh but just the credit. I have instead been passed from one person to next till i gave up! my panels work for a few hours each morning and rest of day generate electricity that can’t be used. sounds criminal !
I am sure that when these ZERA village idiots and other blood-sucking ticks like them in other institutions find a way to monetize it, and can feed it straight into their pockets instead of the “national grid”, you will get 100’s of calls !! Be patient !!
I wish i could remember where i read it, but there was this neighbourhood energy storage thing that was part of a renewable energy push in some european country. The homes had solar installed and the excess energy was put into a central battery storage system instead of the grid. At night and other peak times, the power would be fed back to the homes, cutting peak demand from the national supplier and minimising the per-home storage cost and space usage. If Zim was serious about energy, we’d be throwing subsidies and rebates at community initiatives like that and people like you. Instead, we get appliance bans…